THE writing process

I began writing in high school because I read a classmate's poem that was posted on a bulletin board in the hall and thought "I can do that."  That night I wrote my first poem, and it was terrifying.  And I don't mean the poem (I don't actually remember the poem, but I'm sure I'll find it in a shoe box one day and simultaneously cringe and smile).  The process of writing the poem was what horrified me.  I had never felt so lost and panicked in my life. I wanted to cry.  I knew what I wanted to say, but, for some reason, I couldn't say it.  I suddenly learned the meaning of words I'd been saying my whole life.  It was like learning to speak all over again.  Ever since that day, I've been trying to master the writing process.  That is, I've been writing and writing and writing so that one day the words will just flow out of me and be brilliant.

By the time I realized that the words will never just flow out of me and be brilliant, it wasn't a surprise.  THE writing process doesn't exist, not for me at least.  Unless THE writing process is staring blankly at the walls while you make a list of all the things you have to do, and, after a couple of hours, your write two paragraphs you know you will erase the next day.  As Anne Lamott says in her book Bird by Bird, writing is "about as easy and pleasurable as bathing a cat" (page 3).  I do not mean to make writing seem like torture, though.  Once I find that thing I'm meant to be writing, it is the most wonderful feeling in the world.  I'd still like to find a writing strategy to make that wonderful feeling happen a bit sooner in the process, though.

So, over interim, I'm going to be reading books on writing in order to see what has worked for other writers.  I'm starting with Anne Lamott's Bird by Bird: Some Instructions on Writing and Life.  I started it today, and it's one of the most relatable books on writing I've ever read.  Two bits of advice in particular stood out to me, and I'm going to try to implement them during interim.

(1) "You try to sit down at approximately the same time every day.  This is how you train your unconscious to kick in for you creatively" (page 6).  I write at random times -- usually in the middle of the night when I can't sleep or in the car when I'm bored (I don't actually write in the car, but I leave myself voice mails so I can write my ideas down when I get home).  This January, I'm going to try to sit down every morning for a couple of hours and write.  Hopefully, I'll get in the habit of writing every day at the same time, and slowly writing might not be so painstaking at first.

(2) Lamott also talks about writing shitty first drafts and letting go of perfectionism.  Over the past couple of semesters, I've been trying to overcome my perfectionist tendencies.  Lamott suggests writing a horrendous first draft that just gets the words on the page.  In order to do this, you have to let go of your desire to edit and, to a certain degree, even to think.  She calls this the "child's draft, where you let it all pour out and then let it romp all over the place, knowing that no one is going to see it and that you can shape it later" (page 22). This will be a real challenge for me, but I'm going to give it a shot because I think it will help me get started and might inspire me to write things I wouldn't write otherwise.  But don't worry, I won't be posting any shitty first drafts to my blog.  They are for my eyes only.